Me: *turns on PC to watch Netflix*
PC: Hi. Sorry, but I have a bunch of important updates...
Me: Really? I only want to watch a film. Does it have to be done this precise moment?
PC: Yeah, it's kinda urgent stuff, really...
Me: Okay then, but be real quick about this. I'm off out tonight, I just want to have an hour to myself before I rush about getting ready...
PC: No probs. Hit OK and I'll get on with it.
Me: *clicks the OK button and let's it get on with it.
PC: I need to restart.
Me: Of course you do...here, I'll restart you *sigh*
PC: *restarts, does stuff, restarts itself again, gets to logon screen. 20 painful minutes have passed.*
Me: Okay, logged in. Can I watch my damn film now?
PC: I have an important update.
Me: FFS!!! You just installed a ton of them and took your damn time doing it! Why is there one more? Couldn't you have just installed it before?
PC: No, because...well...look, I just couldn't. You wouldn't understand. It's really tiny, only 379Kb, it'll take no time at all, honest.
Me: *sigh* OKAY. Get it done. I'm running out of damn time here.
PC: *update takes unusually long time to download 379Kb*
Me: REALLY? REALLY????
PC: I'm working on it-don't pressure me! .........OKAY. IT'S DONE.
Me: *by now, near to tears* Can I watch the film now please???
PC: Yes of course, no problem. I just need to reboot first...
Me: *Says nothing. Reboots. Smoke leaks from ears. Logs on.*
Me: *Turns off Windows Update.*